REFRAMING THE SITUATION
Are you really listening?
So what can you do, let’s chat.
We can reframe the situation, we learn to take others’ points of view and feelings, as well as our own, into consideration. This is what we refer to as reframing. Seeing things from a different point of view and gaining an understanding so we can make a decision with regards to what outcome we want to achieve.
How can we do this? Do this!
- Put others before yourself, discover what their outcome is and is it a win/win. If not, look at or invent alternatives that can be mutually beneficial.
- Check things out before jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, or reacting emotionally.
- If you need to reframe use ‘I’ language rather than ‘accusing’ language.
- Give others the benefit of the doubt, separate intent from behaviour.
Suspension of belief is especially appropriate when others need to be understood in order for their tension or stress to be diffused.
You have the ability to do this. Remember those superman movies? In order to believe that Superman could fly didn’t you ‘suspend belief’ that he could really fly? You did – didn’t you? I did as did millions of other people: it was a great ride and lots of fun of course.
Establishing Positive Intent
When you are listening to others, it’s always best to do so with what we call positive intent. Positive intent includes the idea that you have good reason for what you are saying and doing, and so do other people. This can help you suspend judgement, listen fairly, and get the real meaning behind the message that you’re hearing. In order to demonstrate your positive intent, avoid making negative assumptions and statements, and focus on the future instead of the past.
Another aspect of positive intent, which also relates to reframing, is to accept that not everyone is like you. People have strengths, and they also have limitations. Using empathy to connect with others can help you see the situation from their point of view and suspend judgement.
Maintaining Focus
In today’s fast-paced world, it can be hard to give someone our undivided attention. Luckily, active listening techniques can help us to develop our focus.
To help you maintain your focus, use paraphrasing techniques and probing. These tools will also help you to make sure that you’re understanding the speaker correctly and receiving the intended message. A bi-product of this is that you will enhance rapport (which is a good thing) and let the speaker know that you are both interested and paying attention.
In addition, when someone is speaking to you, make a point of focusing on what they are saying. Ask questions to make sure that they know you are listening and to keep you engaged. If possible, turn away from distractions like telephones and computer screens. You may even want to put your mobile (cell) phone on silent and store it in your purse, pocket, or briefcase.
There is much we can do to actively listen and make our conversations with each other really work. To find out more about how you can enhance your active listening skills, talk with Glen 0402306725.
Want to do more?
Enrol in the Active Listening workshop.
